Introvert Extrovert
If this is your first experience with CityLead, or your first time reading our CityLead TakeAway, we want to welcome you! Here at CityLead, we believe that by coming together once a month as a business community, we can make each of our cities a better place to live, work, worship, play, and raise a family. In every CityLead session, we look at one of three types of leadership through a Biblical lens: self-leadership, team leadership, and organizational leadership.
Today, we’re talking about personalities at work – specifically, how leaders can learn to move fluidly between introversion and extroversion. This isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about expanding your capacity to lead people who are different from you.
Some of the content in this CityLead session was informed by the work of Stefan Falk, author of Intrinsic Motivation.
Where Do You Fall?
Before we dive in, consider this question: Are you more introverted or extroverted?
Picture a line with “I” (introvert) on the left and “E” (extrovert) on the right. Where would you place yourself? Are you far to one side, or somewhere near the middle?
Now here’s the key insight: As a leader, you need to be able to move fluidly along that entire line.
The term for someone who can operate comfortably in both modes is ambivert – someone who leverages both inward reflection and outward interaction. They’re ambitious and goal-oriented, with sharp observational skills, yet they also love building community around a shared vision.
It’s one thing to be good with the big picture. It’s another to be good with individuals. But can you move fluidly between both? That’s the skill we’re developing today.
Eight Signs of Leadership Fluidity
1. You are fluent in speaking both introvert and extrovert.
You’re comfortable diving into deep, quiet conversations with individuals while also engaging in dynamic, high-energy discussions with more outgoing people. Some leaders get overwhelmed by loud personalities. Others dismiss quiet people as disengaged. The fluid leader moves between both – because there’s no right or wrong here. We’re not trying to make quiet people loud or loud people quiet. We’re learning to meet people where they are.
2. You can take the lead, but you also know when to step back.
You move effortlessly between leading a conversation and listening to the participants.
Pastor Bill shares a story of attending a reception where the CEO of a multinational organization – present in over 150 countries – gave a powerful, extroverted speech to rally the troops. Afterward, at the reception, the CEO stood alone. Pastor Bill and his wife approached him and asked if he’d like to eat together. He said yes.
It turned out he was an introvert. When he had a microphone, he was dynamic. But when he was done rallying the troops, he wanted to sit on a couch in the corner. That evening, the three of them had an incredible conversation – learning invaluable lessons about leadership from someone most people in the room never approached.
The lesson? There is fruit to be gained in both settings. Don’t always run to the crowd.
3. You speak to make progress, not noise.
Stefan Falk puts it this way: Extroverts often speak when they shouldn’t, and introverts often don’t speak when they should.
There are times to speak and times to stay silent – and it shouldn’t be personality-driven. If you’re extroverted, sometimes you need to stop talking and let others contribute. If you’re introverted, sometimes you need to speak up. Adults, use your voice – but use it wisely.
4. You act with intention and timing.
You can read the air. You understand room dynamics.
Have you ever walked into a room and felt the tension before anyone said a word? That’s emotional intelligence at work. Pastor Bill recalls entering a meeting where the atmosphere was thick with conflict – and when he asked, “What’s the problem?” everyone said, “Nothing.”
But something was clearly wrong. If you stay disengaged, you’ll never sense it. You have to stay present enough to recognize when to step in – or when to stay quiet.
And sometimes, you have to name the elephant in the room. Most of us avoid it, but issues don’t disappear because we ignore them. Someone’s going to lose, leave, or cause a bigger problem if we don’t deal with it. If you lead people, you lead problems.
5. You can turn boring situations into opportunities.
Too much talking and we disengage. Not enough talking and we disengage. The fluid leader knows how to turn wasted time into valuable connection.
Pastor Bill once attended a three-day business retreat in Michigan that was, in his words, “the worst thing I’ve ever been to.” On the ride back to the airport, seven strangers in a minivan all agreed: this was a waste of time.
But then someone asked, “Why did we come?” They came because they wanted connection, growth, and collaboration with people in different industries – and it just hadn’t happened.
So they decided to create it themselves. Those seven people met twice a year for three days at a time – for fifteen years. It became one of the most transformative experiences of Pastor Bill’s career.
Everything is not good in this world. What can you do to turn it into something positive?
6. You are a problem solver.
You are deeply self-aware of the needs of your people and your team, and you turn problems into manageable solutions.
One word to circle here: empathy.
Empathy looks different for an extrovert than for an introvert. It looks different for a feeler than for a doer or a thinker. And while empathy is an emotion at home, at work, empathy is a skill.
Many organizations have two core values that inevitably collide: people and excellence. What happens when someone on your team is going through a divorce, dealing with aging parents, or struggling with a child in crisis? They still have a job to do – but they’re hurting.
Navigating that tension is an art, not a science. You can’t script it. But you have to recognize that it’s part of the job. If you work with people, you work with problems.
7. You are selective with your social engagements.
Everyone wants you to do everything. You have to decide what’s truly important.
If you give to 35 organizations, maybe it’s time to narrow it down to five – and give more meaningfully. If you’re on ten nonprofit boards, get on one and go deep. The same applies to your time and energy.
Stefan Falk says it well: You don’t seek interaction just for the sake of it. You carefully evaluate what opportunities align with your goals, values, and energy levels.
Pick what you’re going to do – and then do it well.
8. You turn solitude into a superpower.
Every leader you admire – Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Jeff Bezos – takes time for solitude. They do it differently, but they all do it.
Extroverts, this one’s for you: You need time alone.
Many extroverts are afraid to be by themselves. That’s often why they stay so busy. But time alone isn’t just for relaxation – it’s productive. It builds strength. It clarifies vision. It deepens discipline.
For those who are spiritual, Scripture repeatedly speaks of Sabbath, solitude, and rest. It’s built into our design – but we ignore it because there’s always something else to do.
Don’t ignore it.
Tips for Extroverts
If you lean extroverted, here’s how to grow:
- Pause and think before you speak. We who are extroverted talk too much. Just pause.
- Practice silent observation. When your mouth is open, you’re not observing. Sometimes the team needs you to be quiet and watch.
- Schedule alone time. Put it on your calendar. Call it “deep work” if you need to. Block it off and protect it. No emails, no texts – just focused reflection.
Tips for Introverts
If you lean introverted, here’s how to grow:
- Prepare what you want to share. One of the worst things a speaker can do is fail to land the plane – repeating themselves, circling endlessly, unable to wrap up. If you don’t prepare, you won’t land well. Know what you want to say before you say it.
- Follow up and over-communicate. George Bernard Shaw said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” Words don’t communicate – the effective use of words communicates. And please: avoid jargon. Your clients don’t know your industry acronyms, and they shouldn’t have to.
- Recharge with purpose. Introverts get worn out by people. That’s okay – but plan for it. Set aside time for reflection and daily preparation. Don’t try to wing it.
The Lamp and the Opportunity
Pastor Bill closed with a striking illustration.
If you lived in the ancient world – around 1700 BC – it would take 46 hours of labor to produce enough oil to power a single lamp for one hour. That’s why people lived in darkness.
By the 1770s in America, using candles made from animal fat, it took 6 hours of work to produce one hour of light.
When electricity first arrived, it cost about 1 hour of income to power a light bulb for one hour.
Today? If you earn the median U.S. income, it costs one second of your earnings to light a bulb for an hour.
We live in a world with clean water, edible food, cheap energy, clean air, and safe streets. We don’t have to spend our lives just trying to survive.
Which means we have the opportunity to do more.
You’re not going to miss a meal tonight. You have margin. You have capacity. The question is: what will you do with it?
If we’re going to make our cities the best places to live, work, play, worship, and raise a family – we have to be willing to help others. And yes, you do have the time. You simply choose whether or not to use it.
Reflection Questions
- Where do you fall on the introvert-extrovert spectrum? How does that shape the way you lead?
- Which of the eight signs of fluidity do you already embody? Which do you need to develop?
- If you’re extroverted, when was the last time you paused before speaking – or scheduled time for solitude?
- If you’re introverted, are you preparing what you want to share? Are you over-communicating to ensure clarity?
- Given all the opportunity and margin you have today, how are you using your time to serve others?
We hope you took something valuable away from today’s CityLead session. Reflect on your top takeaway – and decide what you’re going to do about it this week.
We can’t wait to see you at the next one!
